xphirience.com

18 Aug 2006 (22:00)

Today we finally did Ananda Mandala. It’s powerful.
Other than that we did the usual stuff. It’s so enjoyable walking slowly. It feels so good in my feet and I just want to go slow. Right now I do almost everything slowly, after the meditation with the cosmic beings.
Everything is so… calm and tranquil and right now when I’m writing this, I often stop to close my eyes. Holding the pen and writing feels so enjoyable in the hand.

I felt very tired, irritated and angry for some reason, but I didn’t try to find a way to get out of it. I remembered what shrinevas had said: “What ever you feel, be true to yourself, that’s what god wants, so even those feelings are god”.
So I accepted that this is the way it is and then it transformed to a warm, nice feeling. Like the feeling of relief you can get after you have been crying, and I could feel god in that too.
If you just experience it like it is, without thinking “but…” or “if only…”, then it is like when the rain falls on dry ground and the nature recovers thanks to the wonderful water. Totally satisfying and rejuvenating. Water… so soft and enjoyable. Thirst quenching. Cooling, or warming. Water is more valuable than all gems, all gold and silver. Water is the gold of the earth.
I’m going to sleep now. I hope I don’t get woken up by the big guy’s snoring. But I have earplugs.

Goodnight! (I tried drawing a moon here but it got really ugly haha!).
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19 Aug 2006

I booked a room at hotel sea breeze in Mali Puram with my traveling buddies from Sweden. They have pool and all that. We are going to do some shopping and give deeksha too. The Indians there walk up to the westerners, point at their heads and say “deeksha?”, after that there could be a line for hours.

Today’s teachings dealt with the self, and that the self does not exist. The self is made up by personalities. So, “I” can not “become” enlightened. It’s a personality that wants this. I don’t feel like explaining it (and don’t have the energy to either). Now when I finally solved what I’m going to do in the days after the course here, until the trip back home, it’s a kind of a release. I’m happy.
I received a text message from Björn about a new door code to the apartment I live in Sweden. It felt nice seeing his name pop up in the page saying “new message” in the phone.
I think about how it is there… back home with him and Alfons (my cat).
The “ball” I wrote about a day or two ago, was experienced again today. But this time a part of me got inside it. It is a golden “sphere”. I can’t see it with my eyes, but I just know it, I feel it.
Is this my “divine friend”?.
It was peaceful. I think I have now learnt how to call for this “friend”. It may be the beginning of a new and fantastic acquaintance.

I’m not looking to achieve some end goal, I want to start.
There is nothing to achieve since there is no one to achieve it.
Good night! (here I have drawn an AUM sign and a heart.)
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Marcus Knudsen – http://www.xphirience.com

Tags: altered states, Amma, Bhagavan, deeksha, god, Marcus Knudsen, Meditation, oneness, Oneness university

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